Charters and Caldicott on the Orient-Express

British Pullman Carriage Lucille

Having been invited to review a day out on the British Pullman run by the Venice Simplon Orient-Express, I decided it would be a good idea to invite two old friends, Charters and Caldicott. Who better but these two intrepid train travellers from the Golden Age of Train Travel and stars of Night Train to Munich and The Lady Vanishes to judge what the British Pullman is like today. Numbers in brackets refer to footnotes about the three Charters and Caldicott films.

Did you know that they serve 22,000 botles of champagne and 150 kg of caviar a year!

Charters and Caldicott are sitting at their desks in the Foreign Office looking bored.
Charters – Just had a phone call from Tongham Tasters, fancy another train trip Caldicott?
Caldicott – Where to old boy?
Charters – Chichester.
Caldicott – Makes a change from the Balkans, I suppose. At least by staying in Blighty we should be able to keep up with the latest cricket scores.
Charters – and it is run by the Orient-Express group so we should get nothing but the best.

Charters and Caldicott looking forward to getting down to Chichester and joining the British Pullman

Not steam hauled today

Charters and Caldicott set off from Waterloo on the train (not The Train which they are scheduled to pick up at Chichester) and arrive for their scheduled change of trains at Havant.  Charters goes up to the news stand.
Charters – A copy of Punch please. (1)
Newsvendor – Sorry sir, they haven’t published that since 2002.
Charters – Don’t suppose you have a copy of Mein Kampf?
Newsvendor – No sir.
Charters – Anything you might give to a honeymoon couple?
Caldicott – Charters, I don’t think they have those sorts of books here!

They serve 32,500 litres of freshly made soup each year!

Unbeknownst to our couple of archetypal pre-war Englishmen, their connecting train leaves whilst they amuse themselves at the news stand. Eventually they spot their mistake and find the next train has been cancelled and thus hastily jump in a taxi to Chichester Station. In the taxi Caldicott scolds Charters.
Caldicott – I can’t believe we’ve missed another connection because of you Charters! First we miss our connection because you are standing to attention during the Hungarian Rhapsody, which it has always been my contention is not their National Anthem, and now this! (2)
Charters – Calm down old boy, we been through worse than this and still got through. We’ll be in Chichester in no time.

The passengers eat over 5,040 kgs of British cheese every year!

Nothing at all wrong with this seat!

Finally Caldicott and Charters arrive at Chichester Station.
Cut to a few frames of Alfred Hitchcock wearing a black coat and smoking a cigarette on the platform (3). Station Master goes up to Hitchcock and tells him that it is a No Smoking zone.
Charters and Caldicott get on the train and sit down in the wrong seats.
Charters – What about that bloke who was playing third man yesterday? (4)
Caldicott – Quite appalling, we could have both done a better job of it!

Most of the carriages date from the twenties and thirties but have been lovingly restored.

Steward (played by Irene Handl) comes up to them. (5)
Steward - You can’t sit there, these seats are reserved for Mr Crabbin.
Charters – I suppose you are going to put us in the maid’s cabin…(6)
Caldicott – …and we definitely want one each this time.
Steward – No sir, your seats are just over here.

They serve as a reminder of great trains such as the Brighton Belle, the Golden Arrow, the Night Ferry, the Bournemouth Belle, the Queen of Scots and Ocean Liner services to Southampton.

Charters and Caldicott sit down in the right seats which happen to be in a nice compartment on the carriage called Lucille. Both admire the elegant Greek urn marquetry in the carriage. Couple sit down next to Charters and Caldicott. Charters leans over to ask them a question

Champagne and Canapes

Charters – I don’t suppose you know the current state of play at the Oval? (7)
Gent – The oval what?
Charters – The oval what? I’m talking cricket, the England versus India test match!
Gent – No idea, sorry.
Charters – (as an aside to Caldicott) Doesn’t even know what the Oval is.
Charming Train Manager comes along and shows Charters the cricket score on his mobile phone.
Charters – Now that’s what I call service.

Every guest is a VIP

Champagne and canapés are served; a rather nice glass of Laurent Perrier Brut (scored 15/20) and some caviar and smoked salmon toasts and dates with cream cheese.
Caldicott – Very good show they put on here Charters. It is much better than I remember before the war. I seem to remember going up to Edinburgh on the Queen of Scots in the very same carriage.

A steward comes along and asks them what wine they would like with their lunch.

Would Sir care for a bottle of the 2001?

Charters – Any chance I could go down and see your wine cellar?
Steward – We are on board a train sir so we don’t have a cellar, just a small section at the rear of the train where we keep the wine. I’d be most happy to show it to you if you like.
Charters goes down to the end of the train and inspects the wine cellar and eventually plumps for the very nice house red – 2008 Cote du Rhone Villages, Les Coteaux, Boutinot (at least a 14 out of 20 score).

Wild Trout Terrine

First course arrives which is a very good Wild River Trout and Green Peppercorn Terrine with a watercress mayonnaise. Our intrepid duo are impressed that it is all served, silver service, by four stewards who bring the salmon, salad garnish, sauce and brown bread in turn. Norbert the Assistant Train Manager arrives and answers their many questions about the train. They are impressed that the carriages are used 3 to 4 times a week and that they cater for over 200 people on each journey. All of the food is prepared off-train but cooked fresh on the train.

 Is this Lucille?

After the Champagne and first glass of wine, Caldicott gets up to relieve himself.
Charters – Don’t go through the door marked Bosphorus! (8)
Caldicott – Very droll Charters.
After a while Caldicott comes back.
Caldicott – There’s a naked woman on the floor in the lavatory!
Charters – Oh God, this happens to us every time we travel, trouble seems to follow us everywhere.
Caldicott – Only joking, Charters, just a rather attractive mosaic on the floor.

Pretty vistas pass by them on the train and the soup course arrives which is Roasted Vine Tomato and Mizuna Soup served with a Vodka Crème Fraiche. Again our duo are impressed. More pretty English countryside whooshes by and they pass briefly through Salisbury.

Well cooked main course

The Westbury White Horse

The main course is served, again by a procession of polite and efficient stewards. It is a Fricassée of Free Range Chicken Stuffed with a Mushroom Duxelle and accompanied by a Broad Bean and Morel Mushroom Sauce, Parsley Potatoes and Sugar Snap peas. Everything perfectly cooked, a rich sauce and still some crunchiness in the sugar snaps.

Just before Westbury they get a glimpse of the Westbury White Horse which was cut into the hill in 1778. Then they arrive at the “destination” of Westbury in Wiltshire where they spend just over twenty minutes. Actually the real destination is the train itself. There is just time to stretch the old legs and visit all of the other carriages and have a peek in the kitchens; each of the Pullman carriages is quite different, each amazing in its own way but with different marquetry and character.

A steam locmotive we passed outside of Westbury

Lovely English Cheeses

The train leaves for the return journey. We pass an interesting steam engine on the exit out of Westbury. Great British Cheeseboard and Homemade Chutney arrives (a lovely selection of Somerset Brie, St Giles, Red Leicester, Mature Cheddar and Stilton).
Charters – They have served the cheese course before the dessert, Charters, not very English!
Caldicott - Well at least I got some cheese today unlike in the Hotel in Bandrika!  (9)  Look on the bright side, at least we got biscuits rather than that ghastly continental habit of serving bread with cheese.

Trifle

The dessert is a Roasted Fig and English Plum Trifle, creamy but still light enough for a five-course lunch. Later, the coffee course arrives with some nice chocolates. Charters gets some extra sachets of sugar to help him plot out a contentious moment in an ancient England Australia test match.
Charters – Everyone has got their own sugar cubes today Caldicott, shouldn’t get interrupted like last time. (10)
Caldicott – They are very well organised this Orient-Express crew. Perhaps they should run the MCC.

Just like a game of cricket!

Time passes by pleasantly aboard the train and eventually they arrive back on schedule at Chichester Station. Charters and Caldicott leave the train.
Charters – So what did you think of the trip Caldicott?
Caldicott – It’s been a bit like a game of cricket really.
Charters – What do you mean?
Caldicott – Well we’ve been sitting here eating and drinking all day, watching what’s been going on, nothing much has happened and it’s been really great! What did you think?
Charters - Absolutely spot on old boy, a great escape from the twenty-first century, like the Golden Age only better.

Have your own day of escapism and book a day trip on a British Pullman with the Orient Express. Great for people who love trains, nostalgia, impeccable service or dressing up. We took the August 19th 2011 Lunch from Chichester on the British Pullman which was priced at £240 per person.
Thanks to Orient-Express for supplying our trip and Naunton Wayne, Basil Radford, Sidney Gilliat and Frank Launder for creating the characters used in this blog and the films The Lady Vanishes, Night Train to Munich and Crooks Tour. Thanks also to Jeff, Norbert and their staff for their attentive service and attention throughout the day.

We were able to follow our journey through the lovely English countryside on the map provided.

The Wine Cellar!

Footnotes for those who are not Caldicott and Charters fanatics; these are perhaps ten of the most famous moments from Charters and Caldicott films:

(1) In the film Night Train to Munich, Charters tries to buy a copy of Punch whilst abroad but ends up buying a copy of Mein Kampf. He explains to Caldicott that he understands that they give a copy to bridal couples over here. Caldicott responds – Why, I don’t think it’s that sort of book old man.

(2) They miss a connection because of the Hungarian Rhapsody incident in The Lady Vanishes.  We really did miss our connection at Havant, too!
 

Beautiful Marquetry in Lucille

(3) Alfred Hitchcock, who directed the 1938 film The Lady Vanishes, appeared in a cameo role in most of his films. In The Lady Vanishes it is right at the end on Victoria Station platform, wearing a black coat and smoking a cigarette.

(4) The characters Caldicott and Charters were originally going to be in the film The Third Man, but were replaced by the Wilfrid Hyde-White character “Mr Crabbins”. The third man is also a fielding position on the boundary in the game of cricket.

(5) Irene Handl appears (uncredited) as the station master in the film Night Train to Munich and admonishes C&C “You can’t sit here”.

(6) At the beginning of the film The Lady Vanishes, the hotel manager of the fully booked hotel puts the two men into the maid’s room. It results in the exchange; Caldicott – They might at least have given us one each. Charters – What? Caldicott – The room at least.

(7) C&C are always fanatical about trying to find out the score in the Test match, normally without any success as they are surprised to find out that not everyone is as obsessed with Cricket as they are. There actually was a test match on the day of our trip and we were able to follow the score on our Blackberry.

What's more important than a test match ?

(8) In Crooks Tour, Caldicott tries to go to the bathroom by going through a door marked Bathroom but nearly ends up in the Bosphorus. He exclaims “It shouldn’t say Bathroom it should say Bosphorus”.

(9) In the hotel at the beginning of the film The Lady Vanishes, C&;C try to order steaks but are told that the food has run out. Miss Froy helps them by offering them some of her cheese, which then Charters selfishly devours.

(10) In the film Night Train to Munich, C&C get out the sugar cubes and plot out a contentious moment in an England Australia test match. Someone from the adjoining table asks for the sugar and Caldicott and Charters look at each other as though putting sugar in coffee is not as important as describing a test match. They gather the cubes together and hand them over.

The Sous-Chef Jon Freeman in his on-board kitchen

We didn''t know much about cricket but we enjoyed our day with Charters and Caldicott!

Beautiful views of the English Countryside whizzed by us all day long

River scenes too!

I hope you enjoyed our post card from our British Pullman day out